His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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