everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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