Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
