I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
