we made out on top of his cat.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
