Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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