Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Randomize
