I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
