never play flip cup with pint glasses
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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