Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
you made out with another girl for some wings
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
