oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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