Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
They have beer where we have blood.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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