My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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