I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
