I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Randomize
