Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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