Plan B is the new Plan A
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
