oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
