if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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