dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Gay?
German.
Pity.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
