don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
