God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
