Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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