You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
