Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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