I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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