hotel room ftw
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
