im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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