Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She told me I should be a condom model.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
