I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
