this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
