pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
