My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
