dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
