Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
