Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
