Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
it wasn't lemon gatorade
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you didnt know i had herpes?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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