so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
