It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
