No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
