I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
