Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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