one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
