I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
