I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
