Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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