my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
