I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
