Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
