Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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