i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
